This last week has been awful. I have been overwhelmed with too many things and it finally got to me around Wednesday. I have to admit that my work week was a bust. I was able to get two articles done and start the research for another two but other than that my "to do" list stayed mainly unfulfilled.
I think I just need some down time. I have so many expectations and goals for myself. My novel has taken a year to write and revise and most of the year was spent ignoring it. I have 101 pages completely edited and ready to go but I need to do some rewriting for the rest of it so I'm not sure if I will get it done in the time frame I want it done in.
November is Nanowrimo and although I signed up for it again this year, I am beginning to think that it is not plausible for me to start my second novel while I am rewriting parts of Lost Souls. If I was just doing the last of the edits, I don't think it would be a problem but there are some major parts that have to be reworked and I don't want to lose focus on the manuscript by starting a second.
If this is the rate that I produce a novel, any fans that I do establish will probably scream at me, "For crying out loud woman...get the novel written." I'm hoping that with time, my speed and skill will pick up but this novel is the white whale. I want to finish it. I feel that it has a lot of potential and even if it doesn't get picked up for publication, I can say, "Whew, there's one, now let's do another." The first time is always the hardest isn't it. Probably not.
So my week has been a dud. I have spent more time with woe is me pity fests than I have with writing. I have to sit down and start scheduling. I also have to learn to balance the freelancing career with the novel writing career. I enjoy both and the freelancing helps pay the bills so that I can pursue the white whale but I have to learn to schedule and organize things better and I have to stop waiting for things.
Right now I am waiting to hear back for a "works in progress grant" from the Ontario Arts Council in regards to Lost Souls. I have put myself out there and it has been nearly 4 months since the application went in, which is how long the selection process takes. I had lots to keep myself occupied, a move, kids, vacations, etc, but there are two weeks until I get the official word and I am going crazy waiting for it.
I think that is why last week was such a bad week. I am waiting and I'm not a patient person, although I think I have been really patient for the last 3 and a half months.
One thing they never seem to tell you, or maybe I just didn't believe it, is that you have to wait a lot as a writer. Every aspect of it deals with waiting. If you apply for a contract, you have to wait to hear back about yes or no. If you query, you have to wait for the letter or call saying, "Yes or no." Then you have to wait to hear back about the article or story and whether they like it or not. You're story needs changes. Well, just wait until we figure out what and we will get back to you. It is a waiting game and the key is to stay busy while your waiting but I haven't mastered that just yet.
Hopefully next week will be much better. I have set up a new "to do" list and hopefully I will stick to it this week. Hopefully, waiting won't get to me so badly this week and maybe, fingers crossed, I will hear back about the grant early. I'm praying that it is a yes, you have the grant but if not, I won't be discouraged. As my husband always says, "You can't expect it to be easy."
Wish me luck for next week and have a good week yourself.