Saturday, September 27, 2008

The Elections are Coming!

The Elections are coming! The Elections are coming! Quick, run for your lives! Get out! Flee! Retreat! Do something, don't just stand there!

God, how I hate elections. I'm so not a fan of listening to various government officials talking out of their asses and pretending their breath doesn't stink. Not too jaded, am I.

If you aren't sure what I am talking about, the Canadian elections are scheduled for October 14th, at least I think it's the 14th. If it isn't, I know my husband will point me in the direction of the nearest polling station and like a good little civilian, I will wearily go into the voting box and make my choice.

My husband and I have made it a matter of marital harmony to not discuss who we are voting for. We used to but it was too much. I would usually end the conversation by calling him a name (rhymes with lass) and telling him that he had no sense. He would end it by shivering in revulsion at my tried and true, eenie, meenie, minie, mo form of voting. (Okay, it isn't quite that bad but I have on several occasions thrown away my vote, which is probably the same in his eyes.)

This year, we have broached the subject a few times since there really isn't any party that either of us would want to vote for. None of the leaders really strike confidence in my heart and it's become a "six in one, half dozen in the other" type of election year. I have even asked my three year old who I should vote for.

He, of course, was very helpful and decided that I should vote conservative, my husband should vote NDP and he, my youngest, would vote for Liberal since Stephan Dion sounds very silly. (His words, not mine.) I guess when your three, silly goes a long way.

This election has actually become my running ground for being silly. I have asked a three year old who to vote for (be assured that I probably won't take his advice, you know, "eenie..." still comes in handy) and I have had little running tirades on just about every party.

I have decided that I would love to go and get all of the parties' signs and stick them in my yard. I will make an elaborate maze with them and then at the end of the maze I will stick in a sign that I make. It will have a huge question mark on it and it will say, "Are you as confused as I am?"

My husband doesn't think the parties would like my idea very much so I decided that I would need to get the Sign Bandit to come up here to start taking down all the signs. Probably not a good idea but I hate getting up each morning, looking out my window and seeing this giant face looking back at me. (One of the parties has erected this huge sign across the road from me, on public property, featuring this huge mug shot. To top it off, it's a party I haven't even heard of. Not a great way to start the day.)

My last idea was to start a whole online campaign where I have a website that people can send in their videos on why Canadians should vote for them. It could be called Vote For Me (but not me, more like vote for you). Completely satirical but this idea came too late in the whole election process and I have enough work as it is. Besides, knowing Murphy's law, I would get elected and me...Canada won't want that to happen. VBG.

Hopefully, this election will pass and Canadians will go back to never hearing from their politicians. I swear they disappear as soon as they are elected, and isn't Parliament shut down 11months of the year. Yes, I know it isn't that bad but still.

Okay, I better sign off for now. I am having a grumpy day, obviously and needed to rant a little (I guess). Hope everyone else is enjoying the elections and if you aren't, don't worry, they will pass.


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